Look for Me in Them – A Hard Conversation on Forgiveness

 Me:

God… I thought I had learned how to forgive. Really, I did. You taught me about mercy, about how none of us is better than the other. I’ve said the words, I’ve prayed the prayers, but my heart still feels bitter… and I don’t like what’s growing there.


God:

Because forgiveness isn’t a moment, it’s a posture. And sometimes your heart needs to relearn what your mouth already said.


Me:

I feel ashamed…like I failed a test I already passed. I’ve preached this to myself, I’ve told others too, but now I look at certain people, and all I feel is resistance, judgment… even disgust.


God:

You’re not failing, you’re just being refined again, deeper this time! You forgave in one season, but I’m teaching you how to forgive from another layer now.


Me:

Then help me, because I don’t know how to move past this bitterness. I want to forgive, but part of me still clings to the hurt. I keep replaying what they did. I don’t want to see them as enemies… but I don’t see anything good in them anymore.


God (gently):

Then look for Me in them.


Me:

What?


God:

Look for Me. In the words they say, somewhere in there, you’ll hear their longings. You might not see their actions match up, but their hopes still matter. Remember Paul? “The things I want to do, I don’t. And the things I don’t want to do, I do.” (Romans 7:19). Isn’t that also your story?


Me:

…Yes.


God:

Then give them the grace you give yourself. I’ve placed parts of Me in everyone I created. No one is purely evil, they carry pieces of My image, broken maybe, but still there. When you feel your heart growing hard, listen for their humanity. Let what others say about them remind you that I’ve entrusted them with things this world needs, things you might even need.


Me:

But what if they never change? What if I open up my heart again and they keep hurting me?


God:

Forgiveness isn’t pretending the hurt didn’t happen. It’s choosing not to let it poison you. It’s praying for them, even if you need to love them from a distance. Bitterness keeps you in the past. But looking for Me in them, that will lead you into healing.


Me (quietly):

So when I’m struggling to see them with love… I can ask You, “Where are You in them?”


God:

Yes, and I will show you! Maybe not all at once, but I will. Because forgiveness is not about excusing their behavior. It’s about trusting Me with your heart, and theirs.


Me:

Then teach me to pray for them again. Not through clenched teeth or duty, but from a heart being made new.


God:

That’s the beginning of true forgiveness. That’s how the bitterness breaks.


⸻


Maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “I thought I was over this already.” Maybe you’re exhausted by the cycle of forgiving and feeling hurt again. I get it, I’ve been there.


But here’s the invitation: don’t just try harder to forgive, ask God to help you see. Ask Him to show you the parts of Himself that still live in the person you’re struggling with. Ask Him to help you listen without suspicion.


We are all broken and we all fall short, but we are all made in His image, and if we can learn to look for Him in each other, perhaps forgiveness will begin to feel less like a battle, and more like an unveiling of grace.


From my heart to yours,

Olga

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